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The Rumor Mill
Everything here came from a group chat, a tailgate, or a man who had already had two. Treat accordingly.
- Locker RoomScorchingAfter Week 3
Shittu to leading journalist: "Keep my name out of your mouth"
After a draft that was picked apart and an 0-2 start, TunchieFit GM Aziz Shittu lashed out after a leading league journalist made comments about his season. His response: "Keep my name out of your mouth." Week 3 didn't help: ND 3hunnid won 162.28 to 95.7, and TunchieFit is now the league's only 0-3 team.
Source: Clubhouse beat reporters
- Locker RoomScorchingAfter Week 3
The Falcons got their win. Aziz is still waiting.
League offices were split on whether the Atlanta Falcons or Aziz Shittu would win first. After ND 3hunnid's 162.28, TunchieFit is 0-3 and the question has an answer nobody in TunchieFit's front office wanted.
Source: League offices
- InjuryWarmAfter Week 3
Injury Reserves 2.0? TEAM ROCKET just posted the week high
TEAM ROCKET answered the injury talk with 165.8, the best score of Week 3, and beat Booz Cruz by 39. Insiders who compared Dontonio to last year's Cam Scarlett have gone quiet. For a week.
Source: League insiders
- Locker RoomWarmAfter Week 3
Crashout Billy crashes out: 81.2 ends the perfect start
Trust LeProcess beat Crashout Billy 133.46 to 81.2, the lowest score of Week 3. TLP now leads the East on points, and rival GMs say Billy's Seahawks fandom is back under review.
Source: Rival GMs
- Locker RoomWarmAfter Week 3
The Dad Strength Watch has a win to report
Dad Strength beat LONG DAK STYLE 137.52 to 134.24 for his first win of the season. LONG DAK STYLE leads the league with 447.5 points and is somehow 1-2.
Source: Punishment committee
- Locker RoomScorchingAfter Week 1
TunchieFit vibes now compared to the Cleveland Browns
84.8 points, the lowest total in the league, on the back of a draft already under review. Insiders are split on which locker room feels worse. Too close to call.
Source: League insiders
- DraftScorchingAfter Week 1
How did Ashton Jeanty fall to Cam in the second round?
A 32.7-point debut helped LONG DAK STYLE post 164.5, and every other room is now trying to explain how he lasted that long. The steal is already looking expensive for the other eleven.
Source: Multiple rooms
- Locker RoomWarmAfter Week 1
Bandwagon Billy's Seahawks fandom pays off immediately
26.2 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba in a 146.82 win. The Gazette cannot prove causation. Warriors historians may recognize the pattern.
Source: Offseason receipts
- DraftScorchingDraft night
Motion Man took the podium at No. 1 — and nobody stopped him
The two-time champ opened the draft with the first overall pick and walked out with Hurts and Gibbs. Multiple owners spent the night asking how the punishment committee allowed this.
Source: Draft night, multiple rooms
- Trade TalkScorching2 hours ago
Booz Cruz already working the phones from the 12 spot
Nwafor drafted at the back of the board and was in three group chats before the ninth round asking who's 'realistically' selling. Mahomes is believed to be available. Everything is believed to be available.
Source: Two rival owners
- Locker RoomWarmYesterday
TunchieFit's early-round blunder under formal review
Aziz's questionable pick at No. 9 has been screenshot, archived, and submitted to the punishment committee for 'general awareness.' He maintains it was intentional. The tape disagrees.
Source: Receipts, saved
- Locker RoomWarmYesterday
Trust LeProcess 'thrilled' with a draft scouts graded C-minus
Stallworth loves the Lamb-Allen foundation and is ignoring the back half of his board entirely. 'LeBron didn't peak early either,' he told the room, unprompted, twice.
Source: Post-draft press availability
- Trade TalkWarm2 days ago
3RINGZ fielding calls on his TE surplus
Greiner left the draft with LaPorta starting and Kittle-adjacent depth on the block. The three-time champ is reportedly asking for a future first and 'respect.'
Source: Overheard at the draft-day bar
- DraftIdle talkLast week
Crashout Billy's Seahawks allegiance now documented on paper
Pippens' draft board has been entered into the league record as Exhibit A in the ongoing bandwagon investigation. He has declined to comment through counsel.
Source: League historians